Smile For Margaret

She was anxious to share her memories and knowledge and I appreciated my new-found cousin for that. After all she had age and experience under her belt and I was a novice genealogist excited to learn anything she had to offer. So, I started taking her to lunch once a week, with notebook in hand, listening to her stories and forever asking questions. I enjoyed our weekly treks together and loved Margaret’s sense of humor, her intelligence and her warm heart so I didn’t miss a Wednesday with her until my husband Larry died.

Shortly after that Margaret announced that she wanted to have a talk with me the next Wednesday we “did lunch.” What she wanted to ask me was if she could move in with me – now that we were both alone. I agreed and thought it might just be what I needed to get my feet back on the ground. It was.

We had many good times living together – a lot of laughs, jokes, stories, etc., but her health was a major concern of mine. She was very frail and in ill health so I spent a great deal of time “building her up.” However, nearly two years later I noticed that Margaret became quieter and quieter. She wasn’t laughing like she used to and she seemed to be spending a lot more time in bed “resting her back.” At first I thought she was depressed but I remembered her telling me “that particular word isn’t in my vocabulary.” Since she never complained about anything – i.e., she wasn’t talking – I had to patiently watch, listen and just “be there” if she needed me.

I spent May and June “being there” for her and seldom left the house. No matter how hard she tried to keep her discomfort to herself, she was in dire pain. I called the ambulance and cautioned the techs not to scare her. I just told her they were going to take her for a ride to the hospital so she could lie down and not have to sit in the car. All of this was fine with her as she desperately needed help and she knew it.
To make a long story short: It was lymphoma of the lower stomach/upper bowel. She consented to surgery but when all was said and done, no one could help her and the doctor let her know that she didn’t have much time left. I also told her that last day she was in the hospital, after almost dying the night before, that I was going to “break her out of this joint” and bring her home with Hospice. (This is where the story REALLY begins.)

June 11th was when Margaret was to be discharged but of course, there was a hitch. Her room was ready. Hospice was ready. But then the “team of surgeons” assigned to her case decided that they should have a conference before discharging her. I instructed the nurse in charge of Margaret to call her family doctor and he was the one that finally gave the discharge order. Scotty’s Transport Service arrived a few hours later to “free” Margaret and bring her home. (I’m sure, by then, those surgeons hadn’t even had their little conference about discharging her.)

I was nervously waiting her arrival but Scotty put me at ease right away saying in a thick Irish brogue, “Oh, she’s a happy lady in there – smiling and waving!” He opened the doors and sure enough, she was not only smiling and waving – she blew me a kiss! Once in her bed, Margaret grabbed me laughing and saying “We did it! We did it!” (My dog Auggie immediately stationed himself at her side, refusing to leave all week except to eat and go outside for a minute or two.)

It was a whirlwind after that. Hospice nurses visited often spreading their warmth. Caring Hospice techs came daily to give her sponge-baths and massages with lotions. Her sister Elsie and nephew Mike arrived from Chicago. Her niece Kathy came in from California. My parents, and her friends from DeBary came to visit – not to mention Betty O’Laughlin and Evan Keesling who also stopped by several times daily. A day didn’t go by without some kind of excitement for her that just “tickled her fancy.”

By Friday, June 14th, she seemed to be slipping. I gave Margaret her pain medication and sat with Betty O’Laughlin in the living room fretting over what I could do to help her. Betty knew of Margaret’s love for the Irish so in trying to cheer me up, she suggested that we should have an Irish Wake for her “after this is all over with.”

I looked at her wide-eyed – Bingo! – and asked, “Why do we have to wait?! Margaret would love to be there!”

So when she woke up, I told her we were going to have an Irish party on Saturday night for her and Betty asked her what she would like to drink at the party. Margaret laughed, thought it was a wonderful idea and answered, “Apricot brandy!”

Everyone sprung into action and phone calls were made. Betty decorated Margaret’s room with St. Patrick’s Day decorations and brought in the Irish music. Victoria made an arrangement of green carnations and a green corsage for her. Wendie Levings made her famous home-made Sangria, food was prepared by Elsie, Kathy and Mike, and Pat O’Dare was emailed “his call to duty.”

Margaret was excited, laughing and joking around again. Saturday afternoon was, what we called, her “beauty day.” After the Hospice tech bathed and massaged her with lotions, I curled her hair while Kathy polished her fingernails. She looked beautiful and best of all – she felt beautiful!

At 7:00 PM the World’s Largest Leprechaun – the one and only, Pat O’Dare – showed up at the door, calling for Margaret as he walked through the house, “Faith-n-begora !!! Ahaw O’Margaret tis the fine lady I’m a lookin’ for! Would ye be hidin’ in the bedroom my little lass??? This is leprechaun Paddy O’Dare be callin’ for ye. I hear you in there now. I will be comin’ for ye – me with an Irish angel with “green wings,” Holy water & shamrocks too for ye sweet Margaret.”

He was dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a green pair of shoes with curled up toes, a shillalah, a green hat for Margaret and green lei. The “leprechaun” made his way to Margaret’s room where he joked and laughed with her for a good twenty minutes while Irish music played in the background. Margaret was laughing so hard she was almost crying. After christening her Irish with his shillalah (with a flare that only Pat O’Dare could pull off), placing a hat for her on her pillow and the lei around her neck, the leprechaun departed kissing her hand. Pat had set the stage for the rest of the evening.

Our home soon filled up with people from Lake Helen plus Margaret’s friends and relatives, food was set out, Irish music played. Margaret ALWAYS had several people with her at all times, laughing, kissing her and holding her hand, etc. She was very thankful, in her glory, loving and enjoying it all SO very much!

When Evan Keesling kissed her and told her he loved her, she winked and said, “He’s my boyfriend.” When Roger Sonnenfeld left her room, she smiled and asked, “Isn’t he handsome?” When Lou Benton left her room, she smiled and said, “I don’t care what anybody says, I like that man.” She thought Wendie Levings was a “very special person” and Mike O’Laughlin was “such a nice man – and cute, too.” And I do have to say she thought Pat O’Dare was absolutely, overwhelmingly wonderful in ALL ways! The mention of the name “Pat O’Dare” brought a twinkle to her eyes. When Betty O’Laughlin brought her the apricot brandy, Margaret took a gulp and yelled, “Wo-o-o-w!” She laughingly announced that night after another sip of brandy that she wanted to be buried with a dollar bill in her hand. I laughed and promised I’d see to it. I did.

When the pain started up again, Kathy gave her aunt the pain medication, everyone quietly said good-night and left. At mid-night, Margaret woke up and I went into her room and sat on her bed. She was in a wonderful mood, reminiscing and laughing about the party – especially about Pat O’Dare. I then went into my “reporter” mode and with a serious deep voice said to her, “Well, my dear Margaret, you seem to be very popular in this little town.” She replied sheepishly as she batted her eyes, “Why, yes, I am.” I then inquired, “What do you attribute this to?” She thought for a moment and then answered in a laughing voice, “My good looks. What else?”

Just before she drifted off to sleep, she smiled as she whispered that she was very happy and felt loved by everyone. I watched her sleep for a few moments and noticed how angelic and at peace she seemed.

On Sunday afternoon Betty gave her a foot bath, foot massage and pedicure. Kathy had painted her aunt’s fingernails a pretty pink the day before but Betty wanted to paint her toenails bright red! I dramatically objected, as if totally outraged with the idea, and asked Margaret in a disgusted voice as if she would agree with me, “What color would YOU like Margaret?” She looked at Betty, winked and answered, “Bright red!” So happily, Betty painted them bright red. Then while Margaret snoozed, at Wendie Levings’ suggestion, she added smiley faces to her big toes. When she woke up, Betty showed Margaret her feet and she broke out laughing at those smiley faces. (I later had a lot of explaining to do at the funeral about those red toes and smiley faces but I guarantee you that she was laid to rest with them.)

Margaret died peacefully in her sleep just three days later on June 18th – exactly one week to the day from when she came home. She wasn’t alone. Several of us were at her side along with her faithful companion, Auggie, and a wonderful Hospice nurse.

So now that you have taken the time to read her story, I’m asking you to remember Margaret but don’t cry for her (she wouldn’t want that) – Smile for her instead. She had a long adventurous life and a wondrous last week full of love, smiles, laughter, pampering and lots of visiting with all of her loving family and friends.

And after all, now that you think about it – just how many people do you know who had the chance to attend their own wake AND be christened Irish by a very large leprechaun??